Butthole Surfers - Butthole Surfers (Full EP)

Erin’s Diatribe

The small girl leans forward and brushes the hair out of her face. Looking up at Jack she says, “This is hard. I’m not sure where to start.”

He hands her a glass of water. “Whatever it is, you might as well begin.”

She looks up at him, but then rests her gaze on you. “A few years ago, I… was pretty down and out. Me, my boyfriend, and a few of his buddies were hanging and crashing in an abandoned house. It had no running water or anything, but it was a roof over our heads and for junkies, sometimes that’s as good as it gets.”

“My boyfriend had just broken into some cars and sold CDs so we were able to get high that night. Things were going about as well as they could for us, when these six huge men came crashing into our squat. Instead of talking or asking us to do anything, a fight broke out. I saw some crazy shit I didn’t understand. Lights crashed across the room and these new guys moved at impossible speeds. I just hid under a table screaming. Within seconds the battle was over and all the people I’d been spending the last few months of my life with were dead.”

She pauses and then says, “Can I get something stronger than water, please?” Mr. King hands her a rum and coke. She takes a sip and winces. “See…well, these six guys were no righteous heroes, but I guess I was young and pretty enough for them to decide to let me stick around for them to abuse.”

She sighs. “You can say what you want about me. I’m not good at much, hell, I’m not even a good person, my one skill might be that I’m a survivor and these six fuckers called themselves Selectors and they were all into crap like Darwin’s survival of the fittest and shit.”

She manages to smile. “Well maybe I’m good at two things.” She gave Jack an honest smile, “okay, three things, but the second is being able to manipulate people. With a complement here, a nudge there, and a lie over there, I convinced the leader, a guy named Timber, to let me live and if I was going to live, I had to become one of them, a Selector, a Xemmoni. Men made demon that feed off other human’s like cattle.”

“So yeah, I became a junky, demon sex slave for these brutes. After a while Timber stopped passing me around. Life got a little easier and yeah, I feed with them. They liked to think they were doing a service for the Earth by feeding off mostly scum, but I knew better.”

“I might have a fourth talent, but not a positive one.” Her smile this time held the hint of dark evil. “I can be a real demanding bitch. I tried to set myself up as some sort of half assed queen for this pack, but they must have grown tried of it, for one night after a big feast and a whole lot of drinking, I woke up alone.”

“I drifted back to my junky ways, but after tasting the juice of souls the normal stuff didn’t cut it. When I met Jack and found out he was heading to Vegas, I figured I’d fit right in. Jack never knew any of this, so don’t blame him.”

She looked up at Jack with tears rolling down her face. “I’m sure you all hate me now.”

Learn more about the eternal battle between Stalwartsand Xemmoni here

Storm of the Millennia

As reports from across the country and the globe pour in, meteorologists are confounded by what most as starting to label the Storm of the Millennia. Reports ranging from tidal waves to floods are coming in from every country. Freak blizzards are occurring only a hundred miles from wind storms of biblical proportions. Most countries are reporting record rains, which in just a matter of days have dropped more moisture than some places see through entire seasons.

Doctor Donald Astorain, a physicist from Harvard, spoke to the press today.  “These phenomenon are unprecedented and unexplained.  We discover something that should be impossible and is the most fantastic occurrence that anyone has ever seen, only to have that topped by something more astounding an hour later.”

Ambassador Hanejnson, of the United Nations, tone remained far more somber. “Already the death toll has surpassed all the climatic disaster casualties that have occurred worldwide over the last ten years and particularly with the flooding just starting, we can only expect these numbers to multiply. This will not even be including their issues such as the long recovery process, but the affects which will undoubtedly descend on billions of people isolated without food and clean drinking water.”

Senator Blythe of California spoke in front of the White House this morning. “Unlike most disasters where aid can be received from the rest of the planet, in this case, all regions are suffering problems of their own. No one can help each other for every corner of the globe needs its own assistance.”

(You try to read further, but thunder crashes loud enough to make you jerk. When you look back at your screen you see that it has gone dead).